Forgiving the Faceless

Forgiveness is a difficult part of the human experience. Alexander Pope, 18^th century poet, said: “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” 

The motivation to forgive is often related to the importance of the relationship. If I value a relationship, I’m more likely to forgive sooner and easier. My husband and I adhere to the rule “let not the sun go down upon your wrath” because our relationship is at stake. Forgiving family or friends is often motivated by our desire to sustain a relationship. Sometimes forgiveness is as much for us as the other person. If the offender cannot receive our forgiveness (e.g. after death) we may choose to forgive so that our own healing process can begin.

Our decision to forgive is always a choice. It may be difficult, whether motivated by love of the relationship or the need for self-healing or obedience to God. We may delay forgiveness because it feels better to be angry or because we first want to hear admission of guilt with a “really mean it” apology. Sometimes we postpone forgiveness to dole out punishment to the offender.

But what if the offender is a total stranger with whom we have no relationship? What if they are faceless? Maybe we don’t even have a way to contact them. Do we still need to forgive them?

I learned the lesson of forgiving strangers in my late twenties. I was running errands on a busy Saturday morning with my two little ones, when a drunk driver misjudged his turn and ran into the side of my compact car. He hit and ran and left me alone to pull my screaming bleeding three year old out of the car. Waiting on the ambulance, I felt too much fear to even detect the anger bubbling beneath the surface.

The seed of anger grew quietly in the background. In the foreground we managed through the crisis. There was a scary ride to the hospital, x-rays, lots of stitches, a concussion, and hospital stay. Then we received the police report. I stared at his name. The awful person who hurt us. He was arrested for driving intoxicated, unlicensed and uninsured. That no-good irresponsible drunk, who had hurt my innocent precious babies and fled like a spineless coward. My kernel of bitterness grew like a towering carnivorous plant. I disregarded it. I would never have the satisfaction of meeting him to give him a venomous piece of my mind.

Six months later, as I was praying, I felt an uncomfortable distance with God. Knowing that sin creates such separation, I asked forgiveness for any unbeknownst sin. Almost immediately, I pictured in my mind a drunk staggering into our church and kneeling at the altar to seek God. I was convicted of my own unforgiveness to this stranger. As much as I hated what he had done, I knew he was just another lost sheep that the Great Shepherd wanted to find and forgive. I was equally in need of God’s grace. So I forgave the faceless stranger so that I could also ask for forgiveness and restore relationship with God.

When walking with the Lord, the motivation to forgive becomes an imperative to obey Him. We must forgive to be forgiven. Matthew 6:14-15 [NLT] instructs us: If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 18:21-22 and Luke 17:3-4 instruct us to forgive repeat offenders, not once or twice, but a ridiculous number of times. And who do we have to forgive? Our family, our friends, ourselves, strangers. Anyone who wrongs us. It’s a difficult part of the human experience, until we find the divine grace that we have received and offer it to others. Even strangers.