How to Swallow Bad News

One of the nasty parts of life is getting “the phone call.” You know the one with bad news. Sometimes the news is distant enough to wince and continue about our day. Other times it is close and personal and piercing. The kind that leaves you gasping for air like you’ve been jumped in a dark alley. When you receive this kind of bad news, put the kettle on.

Put the kettle on. A familiar British expression that quite literally means to put a kettle of water on to boil for a cup of tea. But the words hold caverns of deeper meaning, as do many other innocuous phrases.

In the late 90’s my company moved me to the UK. My family and I spent the next couple of years trying to unravel some of the greater mysteries of British culture. To those of us from more emotional cultures, it may first seem the stoic faces of the Brits are devoid of feeling. But then you learn that a terse “Sorry” is not really an apology and “interesting” is not a good kind of fascination. Behind the subtle facial expressions and disguised phrases, there are all kinds of feelings. And a lot of wisdom as well.

My husband and I first heard the deeper meaning in the phrase “Put the kettle on” when an acquaintance unexpectedly died. A mutual friend said “When we heard about it, we put the kettle on.” Our trusty cultural reference The Xenophobe’s guide to the English, says this about their devotion to tea. “They have imbued it with almost mystical curative and comforting qualities. In moments of crisis, as a remedy for shock or just at a social gathering someone will suggest tea.”

As the remedy for shock, the four little words “Put the kettle on” have come to mean so much more to me.

I will stop everything else right now.

I need a moment to think before deciding on action.

I don’t even know what to say yet.

I want a sense of normalcy and the comfort of warmth.

I will get through this somehow.

I offer this bit of English perspective as a healthy way to start digesting tough news. The diagnosis. The loss. The betrayal. The failure. The disappointment.

Even greater than this wonderful ritual, I offer an unrelenting dependence on a God that is beside me every time I receive a bad news phone call. I have found this Psalm to be true.

They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. [Psalm 112:7 NLT)

I believe there is no better way of living than with a confident trust in Him under all circumstances. To know He cares for you when you are hurting. To experience His peace when there is nothing peaceful. To feel His love in uncertainty. That, my friend, along with a good cup of tea, is how to get through the shock of some bad news.