I See You, Mommy

Dear Mommy,

I saw you when we were both dropping our babies off that one morning. You were hurrying to your car before anyone could see the tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. I knew it was your first day to leave your little one there and I remembered my first time. I wanted to tell you it would be alright. But I didn’t because I knew that it would and it wouldn’t.

There will be days that it feels normal as you rush through the busyness of a task that will be repeated more than a thousand times before he starts kindergarten.

There will be mornings that he sends you that melting smile at you as you lift the car seat carrier and you will want nothing more than to put him back in the car and go back home to spend the day together.

There will be cranky nights when you feel both relieved and guilty that you get to go to work and let someone else deal with his teething problems a few hours.

There will be evenings that you are confident he’s getting the best combination of nurturing and early education. And times when you worry incessantly if he’s getting enough attention.

There will be times when you are grateful that he loves his caregivers so much and times when you feel jealous of them.

There will be weeks when you enjoy your career and your parenting and feel like you’ve gotten them both right. And then there are most weeks when you are exhausted and feel like neither have gotten your best.

There will be judging looks from other moms who think you’ve made the wrong choices.  And there will be knowing looks from those who understand.

I see you, new mommy, and I understand because I’ve ridden the same roller coaster.

Know that there is someone else who sees you too. He sees you even when no one else is there.

Hagar, the mother of Abraham’s first son, found herself alone and discouraged more than once. During one of those times, she gave God a new name.

  Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the LORD, who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.” [Gen 16:13, NLT]

This has become one of my favorite names of God.  The God who sees me. Because sometimes I just needed someone to understand and no one was there. Well, no one but Him. And then I saw that He saw me. That was worth a million glances from human eyes. His divine eyes saw me. 

His divine eyes will always see you too, Mommy, when it’s alright and when it is not.