If it Weren't for the Kitchen Sink

I owe a debt to the kitchen sink.

At the kitchen sink I’ve washed away sadness or anger while clanging dishes to the tune of my misery.

At the kitchen sink I learned that an empty clean sink goes hand in hand with an organized day.

At the kitchen sink I taught little hands to do their first chores and start learning responsibility.

At the kitchen sink I’ve counted blessings, numbering more than I ever dreamed or deserved.

At the kitchen sink our marriage has been preserved for forty years.

Not because sex begins in the kitchen, although that was one of the greatest marriage books of the 90’s. Our kitchen sink became a symbol for calling a timeout on the game of marriage to remind us that we were on the same team.

It all began somewhere in the first few months of our marriage. I was 18. He was 20. Two immature kids trying to be adults. We were mad at each other about something. We sulked around our tiny home, holding out for who would go first to make amends. And then it happened. My young groom turned around at the kitchen sink, held out his arms, and said “Come here.” He hugged me without words for a long time.

We nicknamed this gesture “Sink Time” and repeated it often. Over the years, either one of us would call out “Sink Time” anytime we felt like we needed a pause. Maybe it was another disagreement. But often it was just hitting the pause button on busy-ness. Or daily stress. Or the blues. Or the million other negative emotions that can overtake our day. In this little ritual, the other person must respond, hug, love, regardless of feelings. “Sink Time” became a metaphor for living in the moment, for claiming that no problem was bigger than us, and for slowing our spinning treadmill down.

The nugget here is not the magic of our sink nor the wisdom of our marital advice. Because Journey was right, God knows we’ve had our share of saving grace. We know it is His grace alone that has preserved our marriage. The nugget is about hitting the pause button on life. Pausing to re-orient. Pausing to regain perspective. Pausing to remember. Pausing to hope. Pausing with self-compassion. I am grateful for the discovery of pausing at the sink.

There’s one thing even better than pausing life.  It’s pausing with Him. Jesus invited his disciples to pause with Him.

                Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. [Matt 11:28-30, MSG]

I believe the spiritual symbolism of the kitchen sink timeout is an even greater discovery.  The best way to live with Jesus is to start every day with a long pause with Him. Put Him first and the rest will follow more easily. On your cluttered days when He seems distant, and your emotions are reeling, pause at your spiritual kitchen sink. Let Him wrap his arms around you and teach you the rhythms of His grace.