Choosing Gentleness

The sign said “gently in manner, strong in deed.” It was the translation of the Latin inscription “Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re” on a paper weight belonging to Dwight D. (Ike) Eisenhower. It caught my attention as I browsed artifacts in the 34^th U.S. President’s Library and Museum.

I admire gentle leaders. Eisenhower’s paper weight weighed on my mind with conviction. Convicted, because I realized that behaving gently is a choice, regardless of how much gentleness was mixed into my natural temperament.

A couple of days before I saw Eisenhower’s sign, I had a choice to be gentle mannered or not. We had parked our RV for the night and decided to find a ride into town for dinner. The town had no Uber or Lyft, so I called the only local taxi service. The driver arrived with an attitude that morphed into rudeness before we even drove away. Instead of offering gentleness, I made a choice to be ugly back to him. We one-upped each other a few times in our ping pong of word wars. I felt justified in the moment, but later I felt awful about my behavior.

Sometimes we pass up the choice to be gently mannered because we don’t want to come off as weak. But gentleness is not weakness. Gentleness is strength under control. Pastor Rick Warren emphasizes this definition in a great sermon series on ‘The Strength of Gentleness.’ Watch it here if you want to dive deeper into the topic of gentleness from a Christian perspective: http://saddleback.com/watch/media/11494

So how can I choose to be more gently mannered?

1)          I can choose gentleness in my voice:

• Respond with a lower volume than the other person
• Smile while talking – it’s hard to sound mean when I’m smiling
•  Speak slowly with pauses
•  Remove sarcasm from my tone

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. [Proverbs 15:1 NLT]

2)          I can choose gentleness in my words:

• Use fewer words
• Offer questions more than opinions
• Disagree respectfully with the opposite view
• Guard the permanency of the written word

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. [Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT]

3)          I can choose gentleness in my attitude:

• Remember that everyone has a story
• Assume good intent
• Give the benefit of the doubt
• Don’t assume it’s about me

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude [I Peter 3:8 NLT]

Choosing gentleness in our voice, words, and attitude can be hard on our good days and seem impossible on our bad days. But we don’t have to rely on our own ability, because gentleness is also a fruit of the Spirit.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. [Galations 5:22 NLT]

In this chapter of life, I’ve decided I want to become a gentler soul. And I’m grateful that His Spirit can help me produce that. One choice at a time.