Preparing Him Room

 

Isaac Watts penned this line in a piece that would eventually become the famous Christmas carol, “Joy to the World:”

 

Let every heart prepare him room.

 

As a kid, I sang the line, knowing that there wasn’t room for baby Jesus in the inn. I figured it was our collective eternal responsibility to right that wrong.

 

But exactly how do we prepare room for Him?

 

When we prepare for a roommate to move in with us or a new baby to come home or guests to visit, we start by allocating the space. We find space that had an old purpose. A purpose that is now less important than the new one we assign. We methodically clean out that space, so we can begin to fill it with the new purpose.

 

And so it is with our hearts. To prepare room in our hearts for Jesus, we don’t usually find our hearts already empty and waiting. Often our hearts are filled up with things that take up all the space. The clutter might involve bitterness or anger or fear or regret or shame. We might find these in small piles in the dusty corners of our heart that have collected there over time. We might find them in a big hurt, fresh and raw, that has just wounded our heart. Sometimes our heart clutter is simply busyness, schedules filled with good things, but leaving little time to court a heartthrob.

 

Jesus knocks on the doors of our hearts in any condition. Yet he never pushes His way in. He waits for us to prepare our hearts for Him. When we clean out all the stuff that separates us from Him, the lover of our soul can move in. We prepare Him room.

 

Just like any relationship, the little weeds grow up over time and choke out the open communication lines. Soon we aren’t even talking and He’s wondering if we still love Him. But then we tidy up and ask Him back. We prepare Him room again.

 

Eventually our love changes. We stop viewing it as “our” place, where we just make some room to share with Him. Instead, we sign over the deed of our hearts to Him. It’s yours, Lord. Sometimes we sell out when we hit our rock bottom. Or when we realize how little control we have. Or maybe when our heart is broken in pieces so tiny, we don’t see how it can be put back together.

 

It happens at the end of ourselves and the beginning of Him. That’s when we fully prepare Him room.  Let every heart get there.

What Do You Dread?

 

Sitting on the church pew last week, I had one of those silent arguments between my body and my spirit.

We were singing the old hymn “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms” when the tiff started.

What have I to dread,

What have I to fear,

Leaning on the everlasting arms.

 

Body: What have I to dread? Well, actually, quite a lot.

Spirit: You don’t know that.

Body: Exactly. I don’t know. That’s when you dread.

Spirit: But you’ll be able to lean on Him if bad things happen.

Body: I KNOW that. But don’t you mean “when” rather than “if?”

Spirit: You’re so negative. Count your blessings.

Body: I have counted. I’m grateful. I’m also scared.

Spirit: Sing the next line “what have I to fear.”

Body: Are we being honest here? I’m afraid of the downsides of aging. Of suffering. Of loss. Of being alone. Of …

Spirit: No, never alooooooone. (switching songs in mid-argument) He promised never to leave me, never to leave me alone. ♪♪♫♪♪

Body: Shut up! They’re still singing “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.”

 

The internal argument prompted me to look up the history of the song. Dependable Wikipedia documented the hymn, published in 1887 with lyrics by Anthony J. Showalter and Elisha Hoffman. Showalter had received two letters from former students, saying their wives had died. His return note of consolation included an encouraging scripture, the same one I had selected for my theme scripture to get through cancer a few years ago.

The God of old is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms. [Deut 33:27, CSB]

 

Spirit: And those are some mighty strong arms.

Body: Yes, they are.

Spirit: And they can hold you when you’re scared and suffering and alone.

Body: I love it when you win!

 

The things we dread vary at different seasons of life. What do you dread today? What are you scared of today? It can be a lot sometimes, but know that His arms are strong enough for all of it.

What Color is your October?

 

Another October is riding off into the sunset and I haven’t accredited the appropriate colors to it yet.

 

I love the October oranges of pumpkins, turning leaves, and trick or treat candy, minus the ghosts and goblins. But as much as I enjoy the orange of October, I can’t wear the color. Orange is not in my wardrobe palette.

 

The other October color I’ve learned to appreciate is the hot pink of the breast cancer ribbon. Pink does nothing to flatter me either, but I will give some credit to the increased awareness that the pink ribbon has achieved.

 

Before October closes, let’s address your top 10 excuses for putting off your breast health.

 

10 - I’m not sure how to do effective monthly self-exams.

Google it – lots of videos out there show you the technique. Get to know your girls better and notice any changes in them.

 

 9 - I forget to do self-exams.

You know the reminder system you use for the hundreds of other things you need to do? Use that.

 

 8 - My doctor says self-exams aren’t as effective anyway.

Trained professionals may be more effective, but they only see you once a year. You are with your breasts every day. Frequency matters.

 

 7 - I’m too busy for my mammogram appointment.

A few months delay can advance the cancer stage at diagnosis, which makes all the difference in treatment options and prognosis.

 

 6 - Mammograms are uncomfortable.

Yeah, it hurts like fire to smash your boobs in a vise until they are flat as pancakes. Maybe you can raise a genius kid who will invent a better detection device. Until then, we have mammograms, ultrasounds, and MRIs, often in that order.

 

 5 - There isn’t a history of breast cancer in my family.

Family history is only one of many risk factors.

 

 4 - I don’t have the BRCA gene mutations.

Neither do I. Many factors play into the risk equation.

 

3 - I’m male.

Less than 1% of breast cancer cases are in men, but it’s possible. Men, if you see or feel anything unusual, don’t brush it off. Get it checked.

 

2 - I am afraid to find out.

You know this blog always gets to a scripture eventually and Job 3:25 is it. Yeah, Job said the thing that he dreaded most had come upon him. Me too, Job, me too.

 

1 - I don’t look good in pink.

Me neither. No one is going to make you wear it, with or without breast cancer. Well, except maybe at fundraising events.

 

 

Bottom line, breast cancer is a race against time. The devious cells begin their race without the starter gunshot, so early detection is your best friend. No more excuses!

The First of a New Thing

 

We’ve just past the annual season when parents post those sweet first day pictures for the new school year. More than documenting the milestones, the parents’ rituals set the tone for the new school year.

The first of every new thing tends to set the tone for that thing.

 

The first day of pre-school.

The first week of college.

The first month of a new job.

The first year of marriage.

The first fiscal quarter of retirement.

The first month of a new diagnosis.

The first week of New Year goals.

The first day of a trip.

 

The first bit of any new thing gives us a taste of how it will be. It reveals how we think about it. Our enthusiasm or trepidation often paves the way of the new season. The tone of our new normals is set early.

 

Sometimes we experience another kind of new season when God “does a new thing.” The history of the Jewish people included such times. Isaiah 43 records a time when God told them to forget the past because He was going to do a new thing for them. Verse 19 says

 

Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers, in the desert.

 

Even today, He still does new things in us. It might be a new habit or a new topic to study or a new perspective, a new way to serve others or it might be a fresh start. It might be a new season in our lives that we have dreamed about and planned for. Sometimes He allows seasons that we didn’t choose and never wanted. But with all of it, we can find Him there beside us, sometimes even carrying us.

 

Whatever new thing is starting in your life right now, ask Him to walk beside you. Reach out for His hand. Nothing else will help you in your next new season like knowing He’s there. Set the tone for it.

Three Ways to Talk About Death

 

Some people avoid talking about death. Some talk about death in opaque euphemisms or with nervous humor. Others talk about it openly with all of its hurt and awkwardness laid bare. This week marks another anniversary of my mom’s death, and I’ve been thinking about how helpful it was that she made her death discussable. Here are some things you can do to help talk about death more honestly.

 

Make death a discussable topic. How we talk and think about death likely has everything to do with how our family of origin handled it. My family was candid about death and dying. We weren’t sheltered from funerals as young children. No one told us the dead person was “just sleeping” or that heaven gained another angel. We used the words “death” and “dying” and “dead” without trepidation. My parents talked openly about how painful it is to lose someone we love. Our family laughed and cried in the same sentences, mixing happy memories with grief. We talked a lot about what we believe happens to us after we die.

 

Treat the process of dying like a natural part of life. Dying is as much a part of living as being born. Birth holds the awe of a new life. It’s easier to see death as a loss than as the awe of a life lived, because it IS a very painful loss for those left behind. For the one dying, it can be physically and emotionally painful, yet still a natural process. Because we had a few months to prepare with mom before her death, we learned about what to expect and ways to support her and each other from reading books and talking to Hospice staff. I appreciated some of the sacred rituals that different cultures do before, during and after the dying process to support the end of life. Mom went through some rituals of her own as she prepared. One day she wanted to clean her purse. Her other affairs were in order, so it was important to her that her purse was too. Another day she sat in the garage during a spring thunderstorm to smell the rain “once more.” She taught us that some things in her life had lost priority while other things mattered even more. A few years later, she was followed in death by one of my pastors who was widely respected for his wisdom. He told his children and grandchildren “I have taught you how to live and now I will teach you how to die.” What a role model in treating death like a natural part of life!

 

Have any specific conversations you need to have. If death has been an undiscussable for you, first decide if you want to change that or not. You may feel that the silent approach is sufficiently supported by the history of your relationship. But if there are things you want to say, then you get to decide what/when/how. Don’t wait until death is staring you or your loved one down, because your options narrow as death gets nearer. Depending on the timing and purpose, you could take many approaches:

 

direct approach - “there are some things I want you to know and I’m afraid I’ll wait too long to say them, so here goes…”

supportive approach - “I know this is scary for all of us. What can I do to support you the best?”

business approach - “let’s talk about how you’d like us to handle your affairs.”

spiritual approach - “can I help you be ready for what’s after this life?”

release approach - “I can see you are suffering and want you to know we’re going to be ok. I want you to feel free to go whenever you need to.”

 

You get to choose. Saying everything you want to say before someone is dying helps avoid regrets if there’s an unexpected death. If the death is expected, then saying all of  the important stuff early on leaves the final hours for the simple sweetness of keeping vigil at the “death bed” .

 

I realize this is all a lot harder in practice. Nothing about death is easy. But talking about it helps. And for those who are of like faith, we also find strength in talking to God about it. My favorite New Testament writer, Paul, is a direct communicator and sometimes comes off a bit flippant.

For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. [Rom 14:8, CSB]

Paul couldn’t say it more plainly. No matter what, we belong to the Lord. And nothing makes death more discussable than knowing we belong to Him in both life and death.

Gathering Stones

 

I remember the day I pulled over on the side of the road. There was no car malfunction. No blinding rain. No stranded fellow sojourner to help.

 

There were swans. A mother and her babies swimming across the river that ran parallel to the road I travelled. They glided like synchronous swimmers putting on a show. The unexpected scene called me to pull over and stop the car. To stop life for a few moments.

 

I was driving home from a three-day business meeting. My body was tired. My mind was overloaded with a demanding career. My emotions were held hostage with the guilt of not being home with my young family. The knots in my back were screaming. I was overdue for a good cry.

 

When I pulled over to watch the swans, I exhaled. I felt a peace wrap around me like a weighted blanket. The feeling was the familiar presence of God reminding me that He was still there. His promise to never leave me was still true. I could climb on His lap and be held.

 

I can recount many moments like that one. They each brought the perfect gift for the occasion.

Sometimes the gift was peace in the chaos.

Or joy in the darkness.

Rest in the exhaustion.

Contentment in the lack.

Hope in the emptiness.

Faith in the uncertainty.

 

Old Testament patriarchs taught us what to do with these kinds of encounters. They gathered stones and built an altar and named the place, so they would remember it. Jacob did it after his vision [Gen 28:10-22] using the stone his head had rested on. Joshua did it [Gen 38:45-49] after leading the children of Israel through the Jordan into the Promised Land. Samuel did it [I Sam 7:7-12] after the LORD showed up for him in a battle.

 

That day by the river I gathered symbolic stones, thanking God for meeting me there. I filed it in my memory and named it “that place with the swans.” So many of our times with Him happen through our own discipline to seek Him. Maybe over our morning coffee or before closing our eyes at night or meeting at His house on the weekend. But other times He seeks us. He just shows up beside us in such a powerful way that we must stop and sit with Him. The next time He does that for you, gather a few stones in your memory bank, so you can remember His goodness.

Will the Real Barbie Please Stand Up?

I walked on to the world stage the year after the first Barbie doll walked down the runway. I managed to avoid her until I was four, when someone gave her to me for a birthday gift. A couple years later, Ken joined her side, along with a coloring book that introduced me to dating in a convertible, falling in love, walking down the aisle and living happily ever after.

 

My Barbie collection never surpassed the original couple, but some of my friends had enough to put on large skits. We dressed them in robes to act out the Biblical story of the ten virgins with their lamps and then gave them a quick wardrobe change to hot pants and leather boots before meeting up with Ken and his buddies.

 

My curves never developed like Barbie’s.

My hair never kept its bounce like hers.

My clothes were never as trendy as those in her tiny wardrobe box.

 

I didn’t consciously notice her unrealistic standards at the time. But then I rode through the enlightening decades of the 70’s and 80’s and vowed I wouldn’t encourage my own daughter to play with Barbie dolls. But, alas, as she finished up her potty training as a toddler, I rewarded her by letting her pick out a new set of bed sheets for her dry bed. She chose Barbie sheets. Of course, she did. The pink convertible came shortly after.

 

Ok, so you have stumbled into yet another article about the pitfalls of comparison. Because we still haven’t gotten the message, have we? And now the opportunity to compare faces us every time we pick up our phone.

 

If you would like to challenge any sense of inadequacy you may have, here are a couple of filters to apply each time you find yourself playing the comparison game.

 

1)  I am made in God’s image. Does this thing I’m comparing matter to His reflection?

… we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him. [2 Cor 3:18, TLB]

2)    My purpose is to do His work. Does this hinder me from accomplishing that?

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do. [Eph 2:10, CSB]

 

If neither of these filters work for you, then go look at one of the computer-generated images of a human with Barbie proportions. Laugh and carry on. [No Barbies were harmed in the writing of this blog.]

The Wisdom of Cul-de-Sacs

On my daily walks around my neighborhood, I can choose from several routes that satisfy my daily exercise goal. My favorite routes are the loops that keep me within a half mile from home, a strategic option to manage two cups of morning coffee. I usually walk the loops without sidetracking the numerous cul-de-sacs. These detours seem too short to be consequential and the extra turns slow me down. But then I did an experiment to see how much they increased my mileage. A frequent 2.2 miles route turned into 3.1 miles with cul-de-sacs, a 40% increase!

 

The cul-de-sac experience plays out everywhere in life. A little thing multiplied becomes a big thing. Little habits become big disciplines. The $5 coffee per day saved becomes a small annual vacation. A few nightly pages read become a library consumed. The ‘spare change’ apps that invest those little bits of change you don’t even miss can start the practice of regular investing on a larger scale. The few extra seconds needed to smile and say hello change can the environment. Sometimes the ‘extra mile’ is traveled via many small acts of kindness.

 

Spiritual habits work the same, becoming strong spiritual disciplines. The extra few minutes of prayer time while you’re driving adds up to closer connection with Him. The daily devotional reading on your phone increases the hunger to delve deep into His Word. Consistent gathering with friends of like faith builds community on a strong foundation.

 

Cul-de-sacs make a difference. Little things matter. What little things are you handling well? What little things do you want to begin doing? Which cul-de-sacs are you choosing to take?

Triple Kissed

 

My parents had a thing they did. Every single time one of them left the house or returned, they kissed three times. The kisses were short pecks on the lips. Sometimes with sound effects “Mm, Mmm, Mmmmm.” Always in triplicate. If they were mad at each other with the first obligatory smack, they had warmed up by the third one.

 

We often joke about Mom and Dad’s triple kisses and wonder why three. As a teenager, I just wished they would go to their room. As a thirtysomething, I smiled at their consistency. As a sixtysomething now, I realize it was one of many little habits that wove strength into the relationship fiber.

 

My husband and I also kiss on exit and entry. Not just for trips or for work, but even for quick errands to the store and back. It’s usually a single kiss, maybe lingering long enough to match my parents’ triplets. Lately we’ve taken to texting the kissing emoji three times for emphasis.

 

Our departure and greeting smooches were born of cultivated intentional habit. Partly out of desire to minimize regrets should one party not return. Partly out of insistence that we offer affection even if we don’t feel like it or are in a hurry or are out of sorts with the other.

 

Relationships benefit from steady habits.

 

Our relationship with God benefits from steady habits.

 

Jehovah put this idea into Israel’s heart:

Listen Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates. [Deut 6:4-9, CSB]

 

Consistency wins. Repetition wins. Habits win.

 

Author, Osheta Moore, teaches her readers to pray what she calls “breath prayers.” Or “dragon breath prayers” when done early in the morning! The idea is to repeat a very short prayer three times while inhaling and exhaling.

 

So this is the new habit I’m starting to work on:

 

LORD, (inhale) I am yours today. (exhale)

LORD, (inhale) I am yours today. (exhale)

LORD, (inhale) I am yours today. (exhale)

 

What are the habits you already have woven into your relationship with God?

What are the new habits you want to cultivate with Him in this new year?

Are there any habits that you want to do in triplicate with Him?