First Days

This week I have loved seeing all the first-day-of-school pictures my friends have posted. The kindergarten ones and first graders are adorable.  But I also enjoy the older ones with a little embarrassment added to their photo shoot.

When I was a kid, my mom took a picture of us on the first day of first grade. With my kids, I think I snapped a shot with each new school, but I wouldn’t swear to it. Now with the ubiquity of phone cameras, it seems most parents take a picture for the first day of school every single year. Even those sitting in their college dorm room. I love that, because I know that behind every camera is a parent trying to make that first day of the new school year go well.

I remember how important the first day was in setting the tone for the whole year. If the teacher smiled at me on day one, I felt like she liked me the whole year. If I had trouble finding someone to sit with at lunch on the first day, then I had a little social anxiety every day thereafter. If I aced my first quiz, my confidence elevated for the whole year. If I raised my hand to answer a question and got it wrong, I was slow to offer my answer the rest of the year. If someone made fun of me, my self-perception wilted and if someone gave me a compliment, it bloomed.

Whether it went well or not, the first day of school always felt like the ultimate of clean slates.  New clothes, new shoes, new spiral notebooks, sharp points on every pencil, fresh paper covers on old text books, and a new row in the teacher’s grade book. It was a gift of fresh optimism and I received it.

We don’t seem to get that “first day” feeling very often as adults. Maybe on January 1^st when we set resolutions for the new year. Or when we get a new journal. Or change jobs. Or move houses. Infrequent opportunities for fresh starts are further evidence that adulting can be hard.

Yet I do get that clean slate feeling every single day.  Here’s why. Walking with Jesus Christ means that today I woke up to a barrel of new mercies. Lamentations 3:22-23 [ESV] says:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

Yesterday I wasn’t a nice person, but this morning He gave me new mercy.

Yesterday I was a little grouchy, but this morning He gave me new mercy.

Yesterday I had a judgmental attitude, but this morning He gave me new mercy.

Yesterday I tripped over my own pride, but this morning He gave me new mercy.

Yesterday I cut someone off on the Eastex Freeway, but this morning He gave me new mercy.

Yesterday I passed up a chance to help a homeless man, but this morning He gave me new mercy.

Yesterday I did a few good things, but I had hoped to do better.

And today my forgiving Father brought His endless supply of mercies to me for the 42 billionth time. Like a good parent, He wants me to have a good first day. The first day after He cleaned me up again. The first day after He wiped His slate clear of my yesterday list of wrongs. The first day of the rest of my days spent walking with Him.

The Best Career Advice Ever

Everyone says you need at least a year of retirement to wind down.  I’m unwound now and it feels pretty good. My thoughts recently returned to the office. Not that I want to go back to work, but I want to revisit the career advice I gave people. I'm afraid I misplaced one piece of advice. I didn’t lose it, but I mis-ranked the advice that should have been at the top. [Warning: If you are not in a traditional career, this advice could still apply to you, so stick with me long enough to decide.]

My #1 career advice is not about networking, or teamwork, or marketing your personal brand, or getting the right kind of experience, or being at the right place at the right time, or being a good listener, or re-inventing yourself, or how you manage stress, or how you dress. It’s not even about having more confidence, although I once thought it was.

My #1 piece of career advice is… [drum roll……] Here it is.

Get more sleep. 

No, really. That is it.

I know you are tired. Tired of hearing about the wonders of sleep and the evils of sleep deprivation. Tired of articles about blocking out all the blue light on your devices and getting the right pillow and sipping some chamomile tea. Tired of reading that your body needs deep REM sleep to repair itself and how your problems are magnified through tired eyes, and how it’s better to get more sleep than to get more done.  If we aren’t careful, we can turn sleep into another pressure to which we aren’t measuring up.

I know it isn’t easy. When I worked, I usually set my alarm for 4 or 5am. I often lay awake worrying about my children’s daycare or tomorrow’s difficult conversation or ducking another javelin from Atilla the Hun. Then I would wake up at 3am worrying about the same stuff plus the leering dread of my upcoming alarm. Now I lie awake thinking about tomorrow’s garden weeding or playing with my grandbaby. It’s easier now.

But the last few years of my working life, I unlocked the secret key to more sleep and I want to share it with you, my exhausted friends and readers. Another drum roll….. the secret 3 steps to more sleep:

1)      Figure out what time you need to go to sleep in order to get 1 more hour than usual.

2)      Back up from there, the amount of time you need for your (and your people’s) bedtime routine.

3)      At that time tonight, END your day.

The ‘tonight’ part is important, because you have to stop putting this off. Life won’t be different tomorrow night.

So the big secret is to do the math and know when to END your day. You will have no choice but to find things to stop doing or to do more efficiently. This really stinks, but there is no way around it. We just can’t get more than 24 hours/day no matter how wonderful we are.  Trust me, I’ve tried..

How much is enough sleep?  Don’t accept 7-8 hours as your magic number because you might be outside the normal bell curve. Someday when you have a week off for a “don’t have to get up” vacation, don’t set your alarm for a few days and find out how much sleep your body gravitates to.

And best of all, if you are walking through life with Him, then cast your cares on Him first, and your sleep will be sweeter.

If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. [Proverbs 3:24]

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. [Psalm 4:8]

I admit that I do still wake up at 3am occasionally worrying about something. But thankfully, I can pray about it and let it go. Then I roll over and do the “4 7 8” trick to fall back to sleep quickly. [See life hack sleep 4 7 8 ] You can read other articles to find good practices to help you fall asleep, stay asleep, and increase the quality of your sleep. But if you don’t first get serious about ending your day, they won’t have a chance to work.

A more peaceful sleep is sweet icing on the cake and one of the great benefits of sleeping next to God.  Eat more cake. Tonight.

Dear Parent of a Son

Dear Parent of a 3 day old son: I know what you’re probably thinking. You’re scared half to death, but you can’t die because you have responsibility for another human being now. And you’ve had no training for it either. You are wondering how this tiny swaddled bundle could play your heart strings like that when he opens his eyes and looks into yours.  You didn’t even know you had that kind of love inside of you.

Dear Parent of a 3 month old son: I know, I know! He’s the cutest thing ever! Grinning, gurgling, raising that little head up all by himself, maybe turning over. He’s pure genius. By now you’ve had more than a few worries.  You’ve planted some seeds of parental confidence, hoping they will bloom before he grows up. Then you accidentally pinch his thigh with the snap on his onesie and know you are completely unfit.

Dear Parent of a 3 year old son: Who would have predicted this little superhero would jump through every milestone, oblivious to your comparing, tracking, and worrying about them. He has a thousand wiggles struggling to burst out. When his feelings get hurt, yours hurt more. You’ve navigated a few ear infections and skinned knees and your first emergency room visit. He’s tougher than you think. He says the sweetest things. He says the funniest things. Write them down. Seriously, write them down.

Dear Parent of a 13 year old son: So exactly how did this happen?  Three to thirteen in about ten days. You thought it would take ten years, didn’t you? But what do you know? Right now, not much. You won’t know much for some time yet. Get over it. Those seeds of parental confidence are starting to bloom though. Hold your ground for the next few years. Lean on Joshua’s advice – As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. [Joshua 24:15] Your house. Your rules. Your little man. Until he leaves your little nest.  You’ll cry when you leave him in that dorm room and drive away.  You won’t know what he’s doing all the time. You won’t know if he studies enough or if he eats right or if he’s kind or if he gets in trouble. You will do a lot of praying. You will trust that he’s going to get it right more often than he gets it wrong. And you will wait and give him space to grow into himself.

Dear Parent of a 30 year old son: I know what you’re probably thinking. You’re so proud of who he grew into. You aren’t exactly sure when your little man changed into the grown one. You couldn’t imagine that you could ever love him more now than that first time he opened his eyes and looked into yours. You do. Lots more. And now he has his own little man. You can watch him plant his own seeds of parental confidence and you will smile.  No need to tell him how long it is until harvest time. He’ll figure it out.